Photos by Judi Newall
“Cute! I hate cute!” The Master of Evilness, also known as Moe, strode about in his dragon shaped boots. He was in his laboratory, surrounded by wart-covered green goblins.
The goblins ducked as Moe walked past. They knew when Moe was in a bad mood he might feed them to the hippo-gators, a cross between a hippopotamus and an alligator. Moe had created them one day when he had an extra cage to fill, and a lot of time on his hands.
“I hate Tiny Town. It is a morass of unapologetic cuteness. We will destroy Tiny Town. Smash the houses, dump the wootberry juice, and throw away the waffles.”
“Throw away the waffles? But can’t we eat some, oh evil lord and master?” asked a braver goblin.
“I want to drink the wootberry juice,” whispered a more timid goblin.
“No!” thundered Moe, smashing his fist on his authentic wizard’s table that came with a matching skull and crystal ball set. “Destroy it all. Tramp it into the mud. Leave no cute things unturned.”
The goblins piled into the Ebil bus with Moe in the coveted front seat. For luck the driver gave one twirl of the purple velvet dice hanging from the rear view mirror, then threw the Ebil bus into gear.
While singing “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round” like a Viking pillaging song, the goblins rocketed towards the helpless Tiny Town.
Cosmos the Kitty, the great sorceress of Tiny Town, was in the town square, slackening her thirst with a taste of the punch flavored fountain.
“Mmm, cherry flavored today,” she said licking her whiskers with a rough pink tongue.
A large object came plummeting out of the sky. It smashed into the town square, breaking the statue of the town founder holding a waffle in the air, and bowling over the tiny calypso drums with a tinny, crashing sound.
The tiny drummers stood gaping as green goblins poured out of the now half-flattened Ebil bus.
The goblins ran towards the massive Waffle-o-matic. Powered by windmills, its wooden gears turned, and its long arm stamped out waffles at a breakneck pace.
Moe pointed at the Waffle-o-matic. “Goblins, destroy the waffles!”
“Nooooooo!” cried the tinies.
A tiny pink rabbit ran to defend the waffle-o-matic. He tried to block access to machine, but a goblin shoved the rabbit out of the way. The goblin’s feet stuck in the syrup, and before he could escape, the long Waffle-O-matic arm descended, stamping the goblin into a waffle shape.
“What a way to go,” said a tiny wolf, licking its jaws.
A tiny mink strapped two buttery waffles to her feet. Grabbing the other of the taffy, she skated around a group of goblins. Like rope, the sticky taffy wound around the slavering, wart-covered goblins.
“Stop that, you minx!” cried the tallest goblin, struggling to escape the gooey trap of taffy.
“I am a mink, not a minx. People always make that mistake.” The mink tied the taffy extra tight around the struggling goblins.
“Come on goblins, we’ll eat our way out.” The biggest goblin opened his mouth filled with sharp teeth, and bit into the taffy binding them.
“I think we’ve had just about enough of your ill mannered goblins.” Cosmos pulled out a tiny magic wand. She waved it three times. “Alakazam!” Cans of paint in a rainbow of colors appeared over the heads of the goblins. The goblins looked up.
“Uh oh,” said one goblin, then a paint can fell on his head. He fell down, out cold, arms and legs splayed on the pavement in a pool of cheery yellow paint.
“You think your magic is stronger than mine?” Moe snapped his fingers and the paint cans flew against the wall, splattering it with a multitude of colors. “We’ll see about that.” Moe turned to a goblin nearby. “Steal those boots off that fox and bring them to me.”
“About time,” complained Moe. He threw the boots into the middle of the huge pit of berries, set out for stomping into wootberry juice. “Grow, grow, make room for giant toes.” Moe snapped his fingers. The boots grew three times their size, then ten times their size, then a hundred times their size.
“Stomp, stomp! Stomp the berries and flood the town square!” Moe snapped his fingers and the boots crushed berries into juice. “Faster!”
The giant boots crushed the berries until a flood of wootberry juice flooded the town square. The tinies squeaked as their feet became soaked. They rushed for higher ground. The goblins climbed onto the roof of the Ebil bus.
“Don’t worry. We will float our way to victory. Moe is not the only one who know a grow spell.” Cosmos the kitty sorcerer flicked her wand at a toy boat. “Grow, grow.”
The toy boat swelled on the waves of wootjuice. It grew to be large enough for tinies to sail. A crow’s nest and a pirate flag popped out of the mast.
Cosmos aimed her wand at the tinies. They sprouted eye patches, pirate hats, and tiny swords. The tinies cheered and cried “Aarrggh. Shiver me timbers,” in high pitched voices.
The tinies climbed into the boat and sailed to attack the goblins. The tinies swung on ropes from the ship onto the roof of the Ebil bus. They used their tiny swords to poke at the warty goblins.
“Ouch, stop that, you cute, but annoying, tiny pirate,” complained a goblin. He swiped at the tiny, who did a swashbuckling move of grabbing a rope to swing out of the way.
“I will make a kraken, to destroy your tiny pirate ship.” Moe raised both hands, calling on the spirits of anti-cuteness to aid him. He called on the spirits of parking tickets. He called on the devils in pens that won’t write. He called on demons that stuck gum to your shoe.
Moe pointed at an aquarium in a pet store window. A small squid, who was inside a tank, glowed with a sickening green color. It grew until it smashed the sides of the tank. It continued to grow until it smashed the pet store window open. The squid slid into the sea of wootberry juice in the town square.
“Destroy the ship!” ordered Moe to the kraken. The kraken moved to wrap its tentacles around the tiny pirate ship. Tinies screamed in tiny terror and rushed around the ship.
“We will stop you!” Cosmos called on the spirits of cuteness to aid her. She called on adorableness of kittens, puppies and baby turtles. She called on the sweetness of waffles.
Cosmos aimed her wand over Moe’s head. A single tin pail, like one a child would use on a beach, appeared above Moe’s head.
Moe looked up. “That will defeat me?” He laughed with delight. “How pathetic.”
Cosmos tipped her hand. The pail tipped over, dumping concentrated cuteness on Moe’s head.
Moe gasped as the wave of cuteness hit him. “No, no! My beautiful evil will be the destroyed. I will no longer be a master of evil.”
“It’s for your own good,” said Cosmos, smiling.
Moe’s eyes became big. He grew soft, luxurious fur. A fluffy tail popped out of his backside.
No longer fueled by Moe’s evil powers, the squid released the tiny ship. It shrunk down. The boots returned to wolf paw sized, and no longer smashed berries. The sea of wootberry juice drained away.
“Now dry your tears, eat a waffle, and join in the calypso band,” gently commanded Cosmos.
Moe wiped away his tears. He ate a waffle, then ate two waffles, with lots of syrup and butter. The goblins joined in, feasting on waffles and drinking puddles of wootberry juice with long straws.
Then they all happily danced to the calypso band.