Tag Archives: Xavian Starsider

Pawlice Corruption: Shocking Revelations About Dinkie Officers!

Innocent Victim Bun and evildinkiecat
Rynn Verwood, an evildinkiecat Officer of the Paw, and Sonya Marmurek, the innocent bun-nymph victim of the Pawlice corruption. – Picture by Sonya Marmurek

Every Faire visitor knows that the peace within the Fairelands is guarded by the fiercely wafflesome Tiny Sheriffs Association, led by the Commandant Xavian Starsider. The Tiny Sheriffs guard and protect the Fairelands, catch and imprison the miscreants for the general justice, allowing the Faire Folk to operate as the judge and jury. The bails can be paid straight into the RFL kiosks, and should it be high enough, the Tiny Sheriffs might benevolently free the criminals and pad away in search of more waffles wrongdoers. Surprisingly the worst offenders tend to be found amongst the world builders and creators. Perhaps it is a much needed balance after all the selfless work for the greater good, or perhaps there’s something more afoot here, something much more sinister and — dare I say? — corrupt!

The last few years the Pawlice have accepted dinkie cats into their ranks, which in general has been applauded as a cooperative expansion to include other breeds than tinies: perhaps one year there might even be Sheriffs of not small stature! However, disturbing news have always followed the dinkie-cat behaviour: reckless distribution of fines on clearly imaginary crimes such as too short dress hems or standing in the wrong spot at the wrong time. This year the misuse of martial power has grown to unforeseen levels!

Rynn Verwood FF Exec
Rynn Verwood, FF Exec – Picture by Alisaundra Andel

On top we have pictorial evidence of one Rynn Verwood, a dinkie cat officer of the Tiny Paw of Law, accosting a clearly innocent bun-nymph with false accusations of having dirty barefeet and having an unregistered business of yeyflags and lying to an officer when everyone knows bun-nymphs have always clean toes, yeyflags are an art form and they always tell the truth!

The situation escalated to such lengths that the said clearly corrupted officer threatened to make a coat out of the innocent bun-nymph and sell it to the highest bidder. Surely this is breaking any martial authority, even in the Fairelands!

When contacted with an inquiry about the Pawlice corruption, Commandant Starsider had this to say: “That’s not true. Our officers are good hard working men and women of the law, and only receive frightening levels of authority when they’ve had a good job performance review.” He then continued to address one of his officers: “Linn, thanks for bringing in that box of donuts to the station this morning. Here’s your license for frightening levels of authority.”

The reader might draw their own conclusions based on this statement, but the author calls for justice! Surely blameless nymphs must be allowed to pad around bare feet in the Fairelands!

evildinkieofficer
Rynn Verwood performing a clearly evil dinkiecat Ritual Dance of Menace and Mayhem.

Official Apology from the Commander of Pawlice!

xavian1bXavian Starsider, the Commander of the Tiny Sheriffs Association, has had a lot to answer this Faire. There has been accusations of corruption, of the confiscated waffles ending in Pawlice mouths, of rampant delivery of injustice and even invented regulations, not to mention the new addition of the ferocious and clearly unstable dinkie cat officers into the Paw Force!

Despite all the near-riots against the Pawlice, the Commander has never admitted having done anything wrong. Until yesterday.

On Saturday, May 10th, a day that will go down in history, Xavian Starsider issued an official apology to Judy Chestnut of Dwarfins in Hope’s Horizon.

At first Commander Starsider was still somewhat defensive with statements like: “We’re fair to everyone in the faire that meets the fare” and “I’m needed here to keep PEACE AND ORDER and ensure the safety of all the Fairelands residents! except the ones whose names I’ve been jotting down for the past half hour.”

There seems to have been some spark of regret in his tiny koala heart, for later on he was seen mumbling and grumbling “Sorry Judy.” and “Judy I’m sorry I called dwarfins lawn gnomes.” and even to crown the apology with his eloquence: “msrryjdy”.

This moment of soft heartedness seems to have exhausted the limits of his mercy since he was soon back to normal: “Okay you all have 5 minutes to get your laughs in before this crowd has to disperse. I’m already feeling the need to arrest someone.”

He may be one tough koala and he may throw you in jail for looking at waffles sideways, but at least we have had one official apology from the Tiny Sheriffs! Enjoy it for its rarity for we don’t know if we will see another. Ever.