Neo Chronicles of Adair: Valhalla

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who tread, and those who are trodden on. Given my size, you can probably guess which one I am.

No, not the tall blonde lady—I’ll get there in a minute. Down here!

That’s right. I’m Jordy, proud Chibit. Nice to meet you. We’re a rare breed. “They/them” if you don’t mind.  

I came to the Faire this year because I heard that it’s the one place on The Grid where people don’t give a hamster’s left buttcheek about what size or race you are, or even if you walk on more (or fewer?) than two legs. Everyone’s a Fairelander.

Finally, a place where I’ll be taken seriously! Or that’s what I thought.

But nooo, not three steps into Fairelands Junction, and I’m drowning in a sea of Biggies screaming “hOw CuUuTe!” and “oH, yOur widdLE hAnDs!” I’m also drowning in general because I didn’t expect the place would have so much water, but that’s another story for another time.

It wasn’t fair. How come the Pawlice get taken seriously but not me? Is it something about the uniform?

So I took one good look at the Faire map and found a place in Peaville Goes Nuts that sells stuff for Chibits like me, and I set off to get a more commanding outfit. This viking getup was just what the doctor ordered! Pretty cool, huh? I even got a full beard! Always wanted one of these. 

Anyway, I thought I’d fit right in over at that Valhalla region. Maybe I’d even give someone a good scare for once. I teleported over, ready to swing my axe and grunt all warlike at the first person I saw.

But when I landed in front of that giant tree, I lost myself for a moment. What an absolute unit!

And that’s when I got nearly mowed over by this blonde Biggie lady. Now she’s smiling at me half-apologetically. 

“My goodness! Please excuse my long, statuesque legs and sturdy yet elegant feet. It’s dreadful how they get in my way all the time; it really is. I blame my elven heritage!”

I don’t like this lady.

“You’re an elf?” I ask. “Your ears aren’t even all that pointy. What kinda elf is that?”

Her mouth tightens into a straight line.

“Excuse me, you cheeky little munchkin.”

Oh, that’s original. 

“You dare gatekeep my race?” she continues. “If anyone is to gatekeep around here, it shall be I, for I am the volkoirer of glorious Volholler!”

Behind me, someone stifles a chuckle. I’m not so polite.

“What is the meaning of this?! You there, cease your guffawing at once!”

“Do you mean ‘valkyrie’?” I gasp between laughs. “And it’s ‘Valhalla,’ not… Volholl—er, ah hah hah hah!”

She blushes like mad. “O-of course I know that! It’s a regional dialect, you see. Only we chosen volko—ahem, valkyrie—refer to ourselves as such. A commoner like you wouldn’t understand!”

“Oh, come off it, Adair,” says someone behind me, chuckling. “If you’re going to insist on being a greeter, then be nice about it.”

I turn around and find myself staring up at a winged Biggie lady with bird feet and a giant stick. 

“I swear, I wander off for a few minutes to get information about The Quest, and I come back to you terrorizing Fairelanders.”

She looks down at me and pats my shoulder. “Sorry about that. Adair has always been… How do you say? Too big for her boots. We thought it would get better after the incident in 2019, but it seems that she’s getting too cocky again.”

I like this lady.

“Adair,” she continues, “stop intimidating the little one. Imagine how scary this place must be to someone at such a low vantage point.”

I take that back. I don’t think I like this lady, either.

“Stop doing that!” I shout in my most authoritative voice. “I just wanted to come to the Faire and dress up, and have people look at me like a normal person, a-and maybe make some friends!”

The last part comes out as a bit of a sob. Great, I said it. I clench my jaw in shame. Now everyone is gonna think I am just some dumb, dopey kid after all.

“Oh, no, no…” murmurs the bird lady, wrapping a wing around me. “I’m sorry. How thoughtless of me.”

Her feathers are soft and warm. They smell like sandalwood.

After a long silence punctuated only by the comforting crackle of nearby hearths, Adair sighs. She shuffles over and squats down in front of me.

“I apologize. It was not my intention to make you feel…unwelcome. I suppose I got a little carried away. It’s been quite a while since I last felt important, you see.”

She rustles in her bag, pulls out something golden and sparkly, and offers it to me.

“Please, have this. It is the rune ‘Wunjo,’ meaning ‘joy,’ from Alia Baroque’s Rune Master Hunt. The rune is no longer active, but I shall give you my only copy.”

I blink. Is she really giving that to me? It’s so pretty.

“I insist. I can find more runes, anyways! There are two to find each day for the first 12 days of the Faire. Consider it a token of my regrets.”

The bird lady elbows Adair in the gut. 

“Ugh! And—and as a token of my friendship.”

Well, this isn’t exactly what I pictured when I said I wanted to get taken seriously. But I’ll take it.

I grab the rune from her and watch as it magically rotates in the palm of my hand. It really is pretty. And pretty huge. It’s as big as my face. Wait, how am I supposed to carry this around the Faire?

“Anyway,” says the bird lady to Adair, “if you’re done prancing around, grab Kratz and follow me to The Seventh Valley. The Quest starts soon.”

“I’m not prancing around; I’m— Hold on a moment. Kratz isn’t with you? I thought it was your turn to look after him!”

“He’s your long-lost brother.”

“About whom I learned only last year! Oh, sweet mother of Bard Queen. Gods know what kind of mischief he’s getting into now. I’ll wither up and die if we have a repeat of Twilight Springs!”

“Adair, you weren’t even there that year. The Fairelander told you about that.”

My head is spinning. What are they talking about?

“Never you mind,” says Adair, waving her hand. “We shall alert the Pawlice at once. Let us form a search party.”

“One step ahead of you,” says the bird lady, already gliding down the rainbow waterfall toward a Dinkie in a blue coat.

“Um, Adair?” I venture. “There something I can do? Y’know, since we’re, uh, friends now.”

“Oh, right,” she says distractedly, massaging her temples. “Would you care to help us look?” 

I know she’s only being polite, but this is the first time a Biggie’s ever asked me to do something important. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from screaming “YES, YES, YES!”

“Hmm, I dunno… My schedule is pretty packed and all…”

“That’s alright, then. Enjoy the Faire.”

“NO! I mean, wait. Yes. Yes, I could keep an eye out.”

Adair gives me a real smile this time, one that turns her eyes all crinkly.

“That would be a real great help,” she says.

Maybe I was wrong after all. There aren’t only two kinds of people in this world. There’s three: those who tread, those who are tread on, and those who trade insults in Valhalla and then go off on a manhunt together.

…What? Were you expecting something more pithy and sentimental?

Not from this Chibit!


Credits (Adair)

Hair –  KMH // Hair F163 Natural pack J’adoube
Bangs – KMH // Hair F162 Natural pack  J’adoube
Tattoo – [AERTH] // Dehumanize Body Tattoos Monochrome Somniatoris Arx.
Diadem – Aleutia // Margot Coronet // RFL donation item @ Scrimshaw Warrens. Includes gold and silver versions.
Dress –  Petrichor // Araleus Outfit  The Cerulean Bombora
Arm Armor –  Petrichor // Araleus Arms @ The Cerulean Bombora
Boots –  Petrichor // Araleus Legs The Cerulean Bombora
Sword & Sheath – Petrichor // Araleus Sword The Cerulean Bombora

Credits (Jordy)

Hair – KMH // Hair F162 RFL pack // Relay For Life donation item @ J’adoube
Beard – GUARAN-DOU // CHIBIT Viking Gacha – beard (white) Peaville Goes Nuts . Beard has been tinted purple for this picture.
Outfit – GUARAN-DOU // CHIBIT Viking Gacha – costume (brown) @ Peaville Goes Nuts
Axe – GUARAN-DOU // CHIBIT Viking Gacha – hand axe Peaville Goes Nuts
Shield – GUARAN-DOU // CHIBIT Viking Gacha – shield (red)Peaville Goes Nuts
Boat – GUARAN-DOU // CHIBIT Viking Gacha – ship RARE @ Peaville Goes Nuts

See Nadjanator’s blog (Adair, Jordy) for full credits and HUD previews.

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